Tuesday, September 18, 2007

very tired, very happy

it's weird being a new mommy. you're so tired, but it's strange cause you just don't care to sleep cause you're so happy to have a little one. i'm definitely running on exhaustion, but i know it will only get better from here. deige has been having fits late at night. they last about 3 hours. it's definitely his fussy time. last night, though, he did well. started his fit early and we were all in bed by 12. deige and i slept about 6 hours last night in between feedings and diaper changes. so, that was the most we've slept in the last week. very exciting.

i'm still really trying hard to heal my body. it's been rough. i have these horrible leg pains on the top of my legs from my hips to my knees. it's a tingling sensation that feels much like the tingle of the epidural. and when the tingling stops, i get surges of hot blood running down my legs and it makes me cry. it's horrible. i went to the dr yesterday to check it out and she said i have nerve damage from holding my legs so hard during labor. she said it's normal for some women. and to let it take it's course. she also thought i was anemic because my head was feeling dizzy when i would have leg pains. and i would almost black out because of it. but, i took a blood test, and i'm fine. just a weird coincidence that the head aches, blackouts, and dizziness is all at the same time as my tingling legs. anyway, hoping it gets better every day.

i still feel really icky and haven't wanted any men around because of it. i've felt bad because i haven't wanted the two grandpas around because of the icky way i feel. and its hard to have friends over for the same reason. i don't know if other moms have felt this way or not, but i really only want women around me. for a while, my husband even drove me nuts to be around. i wasn't the nicest to him in the hospital. but, we're learning to help eachother become parents and from that, we've fallen in love all over again. so, that's a good thing. but, my raging hormones, my aching body, and all my leaking going on in the boob department has really made me not want men around at all. my dad, bless his heart, has been so understanding. he flew here from colorado and really doesn't make me feel guilty about not wanting men around. he leaves tomorrow, so i'm sure he'll spend some time with deige today. anyway, the baby is crying...i have to go feed. i'll spend more time writing later.


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1 comment:

Evie said...

Totally normal feelings....don't feel bad. Everyone around you understands and the women will help ease the emotions of the men in your life.
Oh, leakage!!!! Why must there be leakage?
Take care and rest,